my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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