Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
