Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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