so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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