DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
