I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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