So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
