my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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