First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's never too late to be topless.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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