Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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