Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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