I wish i was in the wii world.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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