My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
