Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
