Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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