this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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