This girl is more easily done than said...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
