had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
