so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
