Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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