think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
