I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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