it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
