dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I didn't shave. On purpose
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
