yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
