Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
