Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
