Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
