hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
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