none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
