Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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