we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
