Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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