She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
