It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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