it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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