I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
