Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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