You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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