his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and i looked up. we had an audience...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
