is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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