That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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