my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
