Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
