I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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