I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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