Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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