yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
