Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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