Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
