How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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