Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
